The Hot Help

Do you believe that married couples need to avoid hiring an attractive home helper (nanny, yard worker, pool cleaner, maid, etc.)?

Not only do I think couples should NOT avoid attractive “home helpers”, I believe they should actively seek out hot people to have under their employ. I will go through each job and explain my reasoning for why one should find an attractive person to fill the role over someone more plain.

Wow Ms.Karen, my newly developed hormonal based emotions are going crazy right now!
  • Nannies: Its a hot topic in psychology, the ever lasting controversy that people are attracted to their parents. This is also true for our nannies, who many view as tertiary parental figures. More over if one were to hire their nanny during a child’s formative years (during puberty), that may escalate the situation to the point where they are full on in love with the nanny! Regardless, I want my child to be attracted to people that I myself would find “hot”. This ensures that I don’t have ugly grandchildren.
Man, I bet he can hold that thing up for a loooong time.
  • Yard Workers: Muscles. Are. Hot. It’s a simple truth. I want my yard worker to have big bulging biceps that won’t quit! If he were to be a wimpy little thing, the boy may not be able to complete the laborious tasks I’d set before him. If he were to be a pudgy little porker, then the poor thing may collapse from heat stroke in the Texas heat due to all that extra weight he’s carrying around. No, I want my yard worker to be a picture of physical health and a monument to muscle. This is mainly so he can perform his manual labor more efficiently, but also so that my wife can have something nice to look at while I ogle the nanny.
“If I get one more beached whale comment…”
  • Pool cleaner: No one wants to see an uggo in a speedo.
Seriously is this still the standard in maid uniform?
  • Maid: Though I cannot speak from experience, the maid is a very common trope when couples decide they want to “role play” in the bedroom. Now, in order to keep this fantasy accurate, you’d need to hire a maid at least as attractive as your wife. Otherwise, all you’d think of when fooling around with costumes would be the image of Hilda McUnibrow unclogging the toilet for you. Hire a Sexy maid for your marriage.

At the end of the day there’s a chance that your partner may cheat on you. They will do this no matter what, because it’s not that they find any particular person more appealing, it’s that they find any one who is NOT YOU appealing. This is a problem with the marriage, not anyone outside of it. And one should not hold their partner hostage when making decisions because they think they may cheat. You should not assume your partner will be unfaithful! Trust them the way you want them to trust you, and forget your insecurities. You may just hire a better home helper that way.

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